January is a month that usually sends coaches, therapists and assorted psychological helpers into a frenzy as the world naturally turns its attention to their sphere of expertise. You might expect that I too will be giving you one dozen practical tips to make sure your resolutions last past February.

Instead though, I’m going to prompt you to think a little bit more laterally about the whole process of making resolutions and setting goals. It’s a process that often doesn’t work as well as we might like but, with a little knowledge and self-awareness, you can improve it quite significantly.

You may already have written down a list of resolutions, goals or other targets for changing your life. If you haven’t, jot one or two down now.

Here’s what I’d suggest you do: Take a look at the list and for each item written on it, ask yourself ‘Am I doing this because I want to or because I have to?’

That may seem like a curious distinction, but it’s an important one. There are some goals we pursue and things we do because we believe we have to. You can tell if you’re pursuing a ‘have to’ by spotting some of these indicators:

* You believe that your life will be very pleasurable if you do achieve your goal, and/or very painful if you don’t.

* You believe there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed by attaining the goal or keeping the resolution.

* You have a feeling that you’re not enough without attaining the goal.

* You talk to yourself about the goal as being something you ’should’, ‘must’ or ‘have to’ do.

* The goal is a means to an end – you don’t really fancy the process, but you want the end result, which may often be a feeling like ‘happiness’.

* You feel the goal will require willpower, discipline and effort.

On the other hand, there are the things you do because you want to do them. Again, there are some key indicators:

* You can’t really explain why you want to attain the goal, you just do.

* You feel the goal would be ‘cool’ or ‘fun’ or otherwise life-enhancing.

* You feel that even if you don’t achieve the goal, you’d still have a pretty good time trying.

* You talk about the goal to yourself and others as being something you ‘want’, ‘would like’ or ‘hope’ to do.

* You feel drawn to the goal by a sense of curiousity, excitement or purpose.

Now, it’s not that one of these types of goal is better than the other, its just that they suit different people and provide different experiences. The key point is that have to goals are much more common than want to goals. Most people have really only experienced setting ‘have to’ goals, especially in major areas like their health, career or relationships. Few of us really take the time to experiment with the experience of ‘want to’.

That’s partly because we live in a culture where the prevailing attitude is that if a goal is important, you need to take it seriously i.e. tell yourself you ‘have to’ do it and then struggle with pain, fear and stress while trying to get it done. But that’s not always true. Richard Branson has written that one of his key criteria for deciding which new business projects he’ll get involved in is how much fun he thinks he’ll have.

So, just for today, have a little play with reviewing the emotional energy associated with the goals on your list. How many are ‘have to’ goals and how many are ‘want to’ goals? Can you add in or make up a few of whichever you have less of? How do you feel about them?